There are times in business when I have to make some pretty tough calls.
I take more time to deliberate things from an ethical standpoint than some people realize.
So you can imagine my reaction when I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that I am ruthless, uncaring, and uncompassionate to people’s needs.
That has made my heart sink, and definitely has ‘triggered me’ in the past.
This week I share the hardest shadow that I have had to work with so far in myself and 3 reasons why ‘owning’ this shadow is important for deepening trust with other people and creating more solid relationships.
If someone calling you RUTHLESS would trigger you at all, you need to watch this video. These 3 reasons set me free from a lot of fear and procrastination.
RESOURCE OF THE WEEK
2 of my Favorite books on Shadow Work.
THE HOPE – By Andrew Harvey. Get your copy here on Amazon
DARK SIDE OF THE LIGHT CHASERS – By Debbie Ford. Get your copy here on Amazon
Much love,
P.S. Please leave a comment or question below the video to participate in this important conversation.
Those two books you recommended are great ones. Nice way to turn around “ruthless”!
I had someone I was standing for her to honor a commitment she had made to pay for a program she signed up for say that I was being ruthless and insensitive. It really triggered and made me feel as if I was “wrong” in some way. I now see that I was setting boundaries, standing in integrity, and that that can make others uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean it’s “bad” or “wrong”… and neither am I! 🙂
Great insight, Gladys. There are people who would like to make to make you think you are ‘wrong’ in order to get their way. I think it has even become sort of a social trend.
Good for you for staying in integrity with your agreement – and ultimately with your client.
I totally agree with Datta. Especially when it comes to money and people trying to get out of paying you, you will see that judgment. It is not about you, it’s about them.
Great topic!!!! Love the good qualities you found in ruthless.. Debbie Ford’s book is one I have used for shadow work. Thanks for sharing.
Yes this is a great one! Learning to ruthlessly set my boundaries with my intrusive needy mother literally saved my life and actually made it possible for me to be there for her in a loving way at the end of her life. So hooray for ruthless!
Really related to this one Rachael!
I had to let go of a ‘ruthless’ long-time friend back in the fall of 2014. It was messy because I’d helped her grow her business through many of my closest friends, and family. I believed in her, and suddenly she became a stranger. Now I was the one walking away, but that business relationship had to maintained for their sake. It was a tough, and necessary lesson on who I could trust, and signs to watch for in the future!
I found these were the virtues you described I needed to step into more, and walking away from this toxic relationship helped me set tighter boundaries, be more clear on where I stand, and not waste time. These were the gifts she gave me!
Thanks for sharing Carolyn. I hear you.
Best explanation of shadows I have heard and nice examples of virtues for ruthlessness. What would be any possible virtues of being “a phoney”?
Mmm…virtues of phoney. A phoney to me means they don’t walk their talk. My mind goes to why is it good to not wait until you completely walk your talk. Well, sometimes we teach what we most need to learn and those not afraid of being told they are a phoney move forward faster, rather than wait until they are an amazing version of the perfect messenger.
How freeing is this video on ruthlessness! So, so helpful. Thank you so much Rachael Jayne
Still trying to get my head around this shadow idea and if anyone said I was ruthless I’d just laugh….I’m just too nice lol! However, this has helped me to understand the concept better and yes I would like to be more ‘ruthless’! Looking forward to conference in Melbourne in two weeks time!
Looking forward to seeing you soon Johanna!
Great to hear this dear Rachael, and again putting things clear… To me it relates very much to the fact of being able to “stand on my two feet” without being (too much) disturbed by what people say, either praise or insult, either good or bad things… Life long process maybe but i am also learning to stick to my convictions, knowing what i am, what i feel, and what i am not.
To me, those people who could “see me as ruthless or similar” .. just SEE themselves in me, mirror… and do not know what i am in real.
And lastly, i find also important to learn … that i do not need to justify my behaviours/ thoughts/ actions all time…
I guess, as useal , life will bring again more experiences to train about these difficult subjects !!! ha ha ! humour is also a good way to deal with all that … not always easy though !!
Thanks a lot for your teachings and inspiration … you make me grow … 🙂
om shanti
Isabelle Janine Yogapushpa
Yunus Emre farm – Turkey
Thanks for sharing Isabelle. Great insights here.
Great video, Rachael Jayne. So happy I coach with you and that I’m always learning something new from you 🙂
Thanks Kate! I LOVE our partnership!
Oh how timely this video is, dear Rachael Jayne! It made me smile when you were saying that “you probably have plenty of nice and kind since you are watching AwakenTV!” :):)
It is magnificent how you are helping me to turn a shadow that I am scared of into a virtue that I admire and want to own!
And another thing I need to share is the power of your voice. The moment I turn on your videos, it safely and gently grounds me and kind of returns me back to my own self right away. Amazing effect!
Thank you so much, Taya from Russia
Oh, thank you so much Taissia! I appreciate your words and sending you lots of love.
Thanks Rachael Jayne! Very true. That is my biggest shadow as well and I’m right now dealing with it. My way of handling this has been to overeat. Nowadays not so much as before, but this has still been a pattern for me, so now I’ve stopped doing that. Very interesting to watch what is coming up. Love to you and Datta! <3
I love this monthly section, always finding the gold that can be mined. Thanks Rachael Jayne.
I also recommend The Shadow Effect by Debbie Ford, it is a 2 DVD interactive video series, (get the interactive one for an at home personal process workshop) I recommend watching it every six months.
Thanks for the recommendation Lulu!
What a priceless review of being called ruthless! Now I see that can be more a defensive opinion from the other person. As long as we are Assertive (i.e. we speak our true thoughts and feelings, directly, respectfully), not Aggressive (i.e. insulting the other person); we are not really ruthless; even if the other person perceives it that way.
Such a great shadow to work on, thanks for bringing this one to light. I am intrigued also by the Shadow of Shamelessness – what an interesting and potentially powerful place for women to experience, and just like ruthlessness, very confronting!
And thinking about it – ‘Ruth’ is chapter/book in the Old Testament, isn’t it, so I wonder what she qualities she characterised, and what we give up when we deny our ‘Ruth’lessness – the ends justifying the means, really.
So I couldn’t resist looking: Contemporary interpretations from Wikipedia suggests that Ruth could be seen as a story of the dignity of labour and female self-sufficiency, (and even as a model for lesbian relations), or a celebration of the relationship between strong and resourceful women.
Great insights here thank you Rachael Jayne. I am committed to being more direct this week (one step closer to embracing the virtue in ruthless). Much love, Jess.