As we get ready to put on our biggest event yet (starts tomorrow), I am reminded how easy it is to fall into the trap of trying to “project an image” when there are a lot of people to impress.
Most attending will be coming into a room full of people they don’t know. In those situations it’s easy to try to “project an image” in order to feel comfortable.
Even in our longest most trusting relationships, we can still find ourselves holding back the truth or projecting an image in certain ways to feel loved.
This week’s practice is one you may not like very much. It’s uncomfortable. But if you want to continue to build deep trust, rapport, and authenticity with people, you must at least try it.
If you are of the courageous variety, share a few things you “pretend.” Post a comment below.
Remember, you get to watch some of the action from our event Awaken Your Impact if you can’t be there in person. We are not LiveStreaming the entire event, but we are LIVE for 4 hours this Saturday September 27 at 1pm US Pacific/4pm Eastern/8pm GMT.
Watch us and nearly 300 entrepreneurs plan out how to double their impact and income in 12 months.
Reserve your place here and watch part of the free training from the comfort of your own home: http://AwakenYourImpact.com/Denver2014
Much love,
I am amazed at how closely this links with shame. 10 things I pretend are; I am not scared when I am scared to death. I pretend to be okay with money when I am afraid again to death; money equals security to me; I saw it in my husband’s life; he died in 08, was a successful trucking company owner/operator and it was either really rich (seeing money he had taken out in a loan showering down on his desk or poorer than poor;
food pantries, etc. This is HUGE as I believe EVERYONE acts in this life our our’s; I begin to feel more at home in my pretend self than facing the discomfort of stepping out of my comfort zone into change because of the vulnerability. Love and Light.
I realize that I am scared to death to date and find someone to be a companion to me. I left an abusive marriage of 37 years and that was 7 years ago. I pretend that I don’t need any man in my life now, and that I am perfectly happy as I am. Truth is, I would love to love and be loved by a wonderful man. L. J.
Yeah Loretta! I think this is a huge step towards the joy of loving. It makes complete sense that you would fear pain again, and therefore fear dating. However, love is not pain 🙂 I wish you all the love you so deserve and desire. I pretend that I do not worry about finances. Thanks Rachel Jayne.
Pam , thanks for your vulnerability
Thanks for sharing Pam. Great insights.
I am excited to attend Awaken with those I have grown to know and admire in the Fort Collins Conscious Business Connection Group. Thank you Rachel for sharing yourself so honestly that we may all grow.
Karla Wagoner
Fort Collins CO
Looking forward a lot to Awaken Your Impact. Not only for business, but also as an Assistant Director of Stage Productions, I know this will be great information to share with our actors & performers.
I also pretend to be happy when I’m not & also not irritated when I am. I also pretend that everything in life is great, when it’s not.
Thanks so much!
I hope you enjoyed it Pam.
It’s so true – we are pretending all the time. We are “lying” all the time. However, I would like to make a distinction: there is pretending with the aim to deceive other people , and there is pretending with the aim to transform and re-create ourselves.
– The first one would be driven by our Ego, and the other one would come from our own self.
– The first ‘pretending’ comes from the need that other people would respond in a particular way. The second one has nothing to do with other people, only with our own transformation.
– The first one: “I know I am not X, but I want You to believe that I am.” The second one: “I know I am not X, but I want Myself to believe that I am.”
While the first one is, indeed, toxic and unhealthy, the second one is necessary if we want to deliberately nudge the direction of our journey, as a human being (rather than absently and mindlessly take on what our environment brings up).
I pretend that I am “cool” and not irritated when somebody patronizes me and dismisses my person.
In the same time, I ‘pretend’ that I am Present and Grounded, with the aim to Become that.
Dear Cezar,
I like your distinctions between deception vs. recreation. I agree.
I usually pretend to be competent. I am actually very competent, but I used to project competence to others so they would agree with me. Perhaps I didn’t really believe in my own competence.
Since learning this practice from you, Rachael Jayne, I have gradually learned to drop the projection of “Hey, I AM competent!” and be more transparent that sometimes I am and sometimes I’m not and I may not believe that I am sometimes. You are right that it’s a practice, not an overnight switch.
Thanks for the reminder. This is a great practice!
ok, deep breath here… I pretend not to be hurt by things my children say to me when I am hurt. I sometimes pretend to be interested in what people are telling me when I really could care less. whew! That was tough, but also liberating. Thanks for nudging me out of my comfort zone Rachael Jayne!
I’ve been pretending for 32 years that I am an aggressive person. Let me explain: When I was young, I had a lot of guys falling in love with me (but the ones that I loved didn’t know I existed).. I had my (male) best friends fall in love with me all the time and that was so sad because I lost my best friends that way.. so I started to become “aggressive” and they didn’t like m personality that way so they didn’t fall in love with me…then, living in a Macho Country where Woman are not taken seriously, my personality became sour and demanding and up-front.
Now… I don’t know how to ease is 🙁
So sad!
Greetings! I also pretend to be happy when I’m not. I pretend to be ok and comfortable in networking events when I’m actually horrified (and I think it shows, really hoping to get better with this issue), I pretend to care about what someone is saying when I don’t. I pretend to be perfectly healthy even though I have some underlying health issues I am working to surpass.
Thank you, thank you for these comments. Everyone is already so good at this-
We are constantly touched by your willingness to share, grow, and learn.
xoxo
Rachael Jayne
This is a great exercise! I pretend that I’m not good enough, that I don’t know enough and that I enjoy public speaking. In yoga, I sometimes pretend to be fully expressing a pose, even if I’m not doing it right, just to flirt with the feeling of going a little deeper.
I pretend I know better than others, I pretend I am not worried, I pretend to have control on my finances when I don’t… I pretend I have no fear when I am terrified.. !
Excited to share some of mine 🙂
I pretend to have it all together, to want what others want, and that I’m not afraid to fail.
Whew! <3
Great Question! I pretend I’m a little naive around some things like computers, current world events and even men at times when in actual fact I’ve always certainly held my own on all of these subjects. I pretend to laugh at stuff when I dont think its funny and I pretend that I’m really comfortable in my own skin when I’m afraid of exposure and people’s harsh comments of my skin condition. Always great to discern when I’m pretending or when its a necessary evil to fake till I make it….usually when I’ve done the latter it’s been the fuel to push me through and achieve a great result. Gratitude RJG…xo
I pretend to be an extravert when I am very much an introvert.
I pretend that I am not concerned about money and I genuinely am concerned – I speak from a ‘responsible place’. The world revolves around money, I realize that money is a form of ‘Energy exchange’so where I place my focus is what expands in my world. I cannot just dismiss this reality – I have a DEEP core belief that this bubble is on the verge of popping. Perhaps the underlying emotion is Fear of my own greatness, so I Play small. I did my first women’s retreat yesterday and had raving reviews which I videoed about my event, I realize I have a resistance to embodying how I served these women – I pretend to receive the comments…. hmmmm, something to seek guidance for.
I pretend that I am not angry, that I am not judgmental, that I am not scared, that I am organized, that I like things and people I don’t really care about.
I pretend I have it more together than I do. I pretend that I dont find other men attractive or have my own fantasies. I pretend I have more money then I do when I use my credit cards. I pretend I feel more confident about myself then I do, especially in relation to my partner and other women. I pretend I care about some people and play nice when I really dont care at all.
I pretend that I’m more together than I am. I pretend I work harder than I do. I pretend I don’t care what other people think about me.
I wish I could watch the live stream tomorrow but I’m doing my very first webinar tomorrow night. And I’m nowhere near prepared. I know this is how my clients feel too so I guess I’m being authentic!
I pretend that I’m not bothered or concerned about feeling like my life is going backwards, not forwards, and that I’m not really fulfilling anywhere near my potential. Or the feelings of lack of self worth and value that accompany those thoughts. I do this by not ever mentioning it to people, so even those closest to me wouldn’t know it’s an issue for me. Though I do often wonder what they must think and not be saying about my remarkable inability to turn my life around and make things work (until now anyway), which makes me pretend all the more.
I pretend to be enjoying situations more than I truly am (happy hours or networking). I pretend I am having fun or I am more fun than I actually am. I pretend I understand things that I actually don’t, especially if others seem to get it. I pretend to be what I think others perceive me to be even if that perception is inaccurate.
I pretend, probably not very well, that I’m comfortable in groups, when often I’m acutely un-comfortable.
…I pretend that I’m comfortable with how I look, when I hate my frown lines!
…that I find it easy to forgive when sometimes perceived ‘wrongs’ turn into a repeating mental loop.
…that I don’t mind getting old, when in fact the possibility of being infirm or disabled one day is scary.
…that I’m not judgemental
…that I can breathe freely when my breath often feels blocked.
I pretend what Sharon pretends, and many others!
Thanks for the exercise RJ ~ like the way you use the gentler ‘pretend’ rather than the harsher ‘lie’; takes away the judgement 🙂
OK, here goes! I pretend 1) to be OK spending money, 2) to feel fine about something to not cause an issue or confrontation, 3) that I’m more successful, 4) that I am courageous, 5) that I agree with status quo versus speaking up, 6) that I am independent and don’t need anyone, 7) to like food that someone prepared for me when I don’t, 8) that I have so much to do when I really don’t, 9) that I don’t need more friends 10) that I can handle stress and clutter, when I truly don’t manage it that well.
Thanks for sharing Deborah.
First thank you all for your openess and authenticity, I feel touched by it….
Here goes mine :-): I pretend that:
– I am comfortable even though my heart beats in my troat
– I like someone, even though I feel scared and hurt deep inside
= I am such a nice, loving woman ( I AM but I also now that I do pretend it sometimes..)
– I feel amused and laugh out loud, while inside I think: I do not see the humor of this at all
– I have an orgasme. (I feel ashamed to admit this, but sometimes I do and I do wonder: Am I the only one?)
– I feel confident and grounded, even though my energy is way up my head
– I am a good teacher, while deep inside I doubt that very very much
– that I am enjoying myself in a group, while everything inside me wants to get out and can’t wait until I can go back home
–
Well much more but this will do for now :-). thank you RJ for this authentic but also very uncomfortable excersise ! Am I now pretending that I like this??? :-). Big hug for all
Thanks for sharing Marielle. I appreciate your openness too.
I pretend to be happy with certain areas of my life when I am not and I wish they would be different. I have noticed recently that I pretended a lot to be an authentic and deep person when in fact I was functioning a lot from an image I wanted to project to be liked by people and to avoid conflict or tension. I pretend to agree with people’s opinions and points of view sometimes when I don’t, but I am not honest about it to avoid a conflict.
Thanks for this practice in vulnerability Rachael!
My biggest pretend is that I love being single and independent that I don’t want a man in my life, when the truth is that I feel sad and lonely, I also pretend that I am happy and easy going so people won’t realize how sad and lonely I feel inside I have a few more but I leave it here for now
Thanks