Spiritually Enhanced Ego, or SEE.
Do you have one?
I bet you know someone who does.
I learned this term recently after having some interactions with people who have been on a spiritual path for a long time, but in our communication I felt a lot of ‘ickiness.’
A friend shared with me, “You feel weird and judged by them because you are talking to a SEE!”
We see this dynamic in a lot in spiritual circles. After pondering this for a while I realized there is one particular shadow that is a huge issue for spiritual people, and is one of the most common shadows I see that create this ‘spiritual-bypass’ or spiritual arrogance.
This is a shadow we all have to do our work around, otherwise our ego can have a field day with us as well.
Today’s video is short, to the point, and very important if you want to create amazing relationships.
Be honest with yourself. Is this a shadow that needs attention? Watch the video to find out.
How does it feel to think you are being passive-aggressive with others?
How do you see this behavior play out?
Please help our community as a whole become more aware about this shadow and what is the ‘virtue’ or ‘gift’ of this shadow of Passive-Aggressive.
Post a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Much love,
P.S. If you want to turn your business that you have been treating as a hobby into a thriving money earner, get to Awaken Your Impact in September. If you are like us and see that growing your business can be your spiritual practice, get to Awaken Your Impact. This event covers 5 key areas of training you must master if you are going to stand out in your industry, master your fear, and double your sales over the next 12 months. Check out some video clips from our event last year: http://AwakenYourImpact.com
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Question 1. I get passive aggressive when I am upset or hurt–usually turn very quiet and withdraw
Question 2. Probably better than screaming at them about how terrible they are. 🙂 I also find that sometimes going to someone I trust to talk about how terrible this other person is gives me a chance to rethink the whole thing and see what I can do to change. Then it is either no problem, or I can talk honestly with the person who upset me and clear the air.
Those are good coping mechanisms, Pat. An open, honest conversation with the one who hurt you will more often provide a good outlet for discovery.
Hi Rachael,
Great insight as usual! One of the ways I’m P-A is when I say, “just kidding”. Truth…no I’m not!
I just can’t figure out how to nicely tell the person the truth, so I say it jokingly. Yes, sometimes there really is a joke, but I would bet that most of the time all of us “really” mean it.
I was really delighted that you brought up, “how do you think you created this?” Or New Age guilt as I like to call it. And by the way, my guides tell me that sometimes “your body just gets sick” It’s not some mystifying internal, emotional shit, your body just sprung a leak so to speak.
Thanks, BakeR
Yes, sometimes our passive-aggressive natures come out through “jokes,” whether we mean for it to or not. Good insight into yourself, Baker.
WOOOOO!! GREAT VIDEO and wisdom here!!!! I notice this, even this morning…when I think I am ‘encouraging’ my child but it is not encouragement.
“Why are you creating this for yourself? Math does not HAVE to be hard and difficult, you are just making it so!” (which NEVER makes it easier and I could see him just shrinking). I even plugged on later in the day. The reminder to just own my space internally and recognize I have very little capacity for math myself, I feel angry~ triggered and thus shut down the nervous system and try to keep ANY part of myself from the memories surrounding 5th grade math. FULL MOON FEVER!
Tonight, I will just sit and tell my feelings about it, then explain and allow a space for him to vent/process as well instead of ‘fixing’ it.
Thank you! OUFTA! I LOVE the mirror of feedback toward grace!
Sometimes our “help” is actually more “hurt” than we realize, which is why it’s good you picked up on your behavior towards your child, Mimi.
I find it very difficult dealing with passive-aggressive people and tend to avoid them. I’m assertive, will state my experience and keep it about me, not them.
Lynne, reading your comment helped me to realize that. perhaps when we avoid certain people, which iI do, that is PA behaviour.. .? <3
Lynne, not everyone is equipped to deal with certain types of people, so while it’s good you have a tendency to avoid those types that bother you, it’s also good to have the tools with you to handle those types when you come across them.
I think passive aggressiveness is an ingenious way of manipulation that we have developed to indirectly say how we truly feel about someone in an environment where trust and intimacy are fake or feared to protect or display positions of power. It is an anchor for someone who is emotionally disabled in a situation due to not knowing how to step up and out of their secure zone into connecting with someone who represents instability to them. Passive aggressiveness is a thick scab on an emotional wound. It flows out of disconnection and is designed to echo powerlessness to try and force a solution to that which is uncomfortable. The shield is an attempt to stop pain. And it is also a sword to inflict pain to force the other to conform. Judging it doesn’t resolve the stalemate. Being strong enough to accept difference, just being with it, appreciating passive aggressiveness’ presence for wanting to protect the mountain of it’s truth, could lead to an open space that is secure enough where respect dissolves resistance and makes intimate communication possible.
Wonderfully said, Imaginette. We need to recognize it in ourselves and others and work with the pain, not against it.
Imaginette, thank you so much for saying this, and Rachael, thank you so much for this BANG-ON video! Today I experienced P-A from a potential client who I gave a reading. She came to me in a space of wanting to develop her business and I intuitively knew it was her personal barriers that were holding her back. She felt it wasn’t what she needed (which I knew would happen from my intuitive reading prior) and that a peer’s business opinion was what she needed.
Her email has really been bothering me (in my ego) even though my greatness knows I did nothing but be of service and stand firm that I did what was most of service to her, even though her P-A ‘feedback :-)’ email says otherwise.
I also saw in my intuitive reading that we would actually work together for years to come, if she chose to follow her greatness, I would be supporting her as her coach. So whilst I’m good with the P-A situation, and will respond from my highest self without responding with P-A, if there are any tips on how to handle this shadow in someone else (other than pointing it out which I feel might be too much in context of the situation), please shout!
Thanks again Rachael – I had listened to your webinar on mastering fear (intuition said Awaken Your Impact wasn’t the right time for me) which was incredibly helpful and so searched immediately today after the email I received for an uplifting email from you. This was literally speaking right to what I needed to hear. Go on with your bad self 🙂
Fear not love, is the issue. As Pema Chodron says, we are all living a dream.
I want to control when I don’t trust someone so these verbal stabs are potent, owever, they come right back to me and take away any joy that was possible. Thanks for the heads-up!
My Old Story: Passive Agresson
My New Story: Open Heart and Mind. Let go of desire to control anything or anyone, including myself. I used to be passive-agressive to myself before this video. Thanks so much Rachel!
You’re so welcome, Judith. I love to hear your resolve: if you don’t like it, tell a different story!
I love shadow work.
passive agressiveness is a great way to be diplomatic. Do we need to be diplomatic all the time? no. diret honesty is fresh and great. But I totally think diplomacy is a virtue of femininity as well as Venus (you know I love her) and inside of us as women. Speaking in a more passive agressive way is SOFTER too and for women we want to feel soft, be soft and be seen as soft rather than harsh.
xx!
Good insight, Amanda!
I think it can be useful, for instance if I am in a queue at a supermarket especially at a quick chekoutcounter and their is a big queue with one girl at the till then I think it can impel toward action rather than complaining to people in the queue or the till girl, or fuming inside. Positien action forme is asking for anothe person to be put on an empty till. I find that most peopledon`t want to be seen as complainers but asking for good service is not complaining as I am a paying customer.
Just think about world war 2 and people in Germany not speaking up when they knew about atrocities, Hitler might have been stopped.
Many women walk around on eggshells afraid to speak as they fear the loss of love and being cast out from the tribe. We cannot get love or integrity from outside as it`s an inner job
This is very complex and our psychi over time has become riddled with other peoples ideas of how we should live and what is right and proper – judgement is a hard taskmaster and is the stick which breaks many people or keeps them inline, but of course the line that line is usually to benefit us.
I think `shadow work` is incredibly important as itallows us to see the truth of ourselves.
You’re right, Jane. Shadow work helps us to see what might not be working and gives us the chance to learn from it and grow in a more positive direction.
You didn’t mention Sarcasm, which is P/A behaviour disguised as humour! I was never comfortable with that, though it felt very empowering when I employed it, as a much younger unconscious soul!!!
Sarcasm is a fine line to tread, Patricia. It does have the tendency to make us feel powerful, but it can also hurt those we love without us even knowing it.
Thank you for the video and I am grateful for each comment!
I agree with the idea that aggression’s mission is to control and dominate in order to get a self-centered need or desire satisfied.
The word “assertive” wasn’t used, but the idea circulated. When I trust our bond, simple communication has a background faith. There’s a long view here. This is not the fast food lane.
Sometimes passivity is protective. This too was mentioned. I think there is yin-yang to passivity. Actually, I prefer the patient feeling – then my inaction is proactive.
Patience is indeed a virtue, Victor, and one we should all be working on for better communication and relationships.