Blame is toxic.
Blaming something (or someone) outside of yourself makes it impossible to create what you want.
When we blame we give away our power. However, we still do it in small ways and sometimes big ways.
The funny thing is that with all the people I get to meet and work with, the biggest blamers are the ones who don’t know they are doing it.
If you don’t think you blame others much and you are committed to your path of awakening I urge you to watch this week’s Awaken TV.
If you are irritated by others who blame and don’t take responsibility this is definitely one to watch.
Freedom, peace, joy, and not getting triggered are some of the potential outcomes if you take part in this week’s practice that I share on the video.
Post a comment below the video with your insights on this. I would love to hear from you.
Much love,
Rachael Jayne
Rachael Jayne, I work with someone with whom I am in a contractual agreement so I have to interact with this person. This person is not delivering information and goods in a timely manner per our agreement. Anytime I bring up the fact that the person is late, I get spewed at with blame in a very subtle way. The person will say things like, “It’s your energy that is causing this.” or “I am dealing with so many asleep (not awakened) souls that it is slowing me down”. How would you deal with this kind of blamer? And I am looking at my own energy wondering what I have done to bring this into my awareness. Thoughts?
I am a HUGE blamer- I blame myself for anything and everything! Obviously I have blamed others in certain situations but these tend to be few and far between.
I find I tend to struggle with people who blame others and don’t take personal responsibility.
What I’ve found over the past year in my personal development work is that it’s good for me to blame others MORE. It’s not a habit I want to cultivate without thought, but when I put responsibility where it belongs I open up and grow. When I take on someone else’s responsibility it holds me back. When I allow myself to hold someone else accountable for what is truly their responsibility, I can move forward.
So there’s another virtue of blaming- holding others accountable when they are accountable!
Great Ah ha!
Thanks for sharing Rj!
Present and enjoying each moment.
Hi Rachael Jayne,
Great timing to hear this topic! I am scheduled to have a conversation with two guys tonight who started leading a phone call meditation in the early morning for any of us who are interested and who are students in an Opening to the Infinite course. It’s been going more than a year and I have volunteered to lead one morning a week — it’s a co-meditation where those of us on the phone who feel something emerging speak aloud our meditation, and this deepens the field and co-creates more connectivity. But one of the male leaders started feeling like this kind of meditation wasn’t a good idea because in another group he co-leads, some new people were uncomfortable with co-meditation and left, so he generalized and put some doubt out into our group which has loved it. But since I objected, the guys said I could do my one day and the other two designated co-med days that they lead may not take place. The problem that came up where I “blame” him is that on “my” day, he butted in to say he was going to talk about co-meditation and I said, “No, I plan to talk about it,” but he said he was going to talk about it anyway and overrode me. This is not the first time I’ve felt blind sided or judged or made to feel I’m “not doing it right,” by him, so I’ve got to deal with my reactivity and after allowing my feelings, to take a larger perspective instead of blaming or making him wrong. I plan to acknowledge his struggle, have emailed him that I actually am glad that he brought up the subject so that we could explore it further and finetune it, so let’s see what happens. But I’m well aware that I am tending to “bear a grudge” and kinda dislike this guy who thinks he knows all the while claiming that he is allowing “not knowing!”–so my job is to LET GO of this annoyance! Thanks for the tip!!
I blame others when their level of responsibility seems weak, to me. I hold myself at a high level of responsibility and would judge myself severely if I did “weak responsibility”. I see that everything has two sides: I am the blamer and I am the accused. Both places suck the life and joy out. I see the gift is to fully take personal ownership of how I do life, by standards are my own, no-one needs to have the same (gulp, I hope to live by that) and to allow others to be fully self responsible, not from me pointing the finger at them. This shows belief that they themselves are capable.
I have been trying to eradicate the phrase, “yeah but, the problem is…” from my vocabulary. I think this is related to blame because that phrase, or any variation of it, lets me off the hook for doing things that I am maybe just afraid to do. I am blaming outside circumstances (real and imagined) for my inability or unwillingness to act. This is a tough one but let’s shine the light!
Excellent reminder Bless & thanks Rachel Jane 🙏🙏🙏💖💖💖
I used to be a blamed so certainly understand this message. After many years of soul searching and personal challenges I think I am finally moving on from blaming. My challange now is that I feel that my years of blaming have rubbed off on my adult children often behave as blamers, so how to help them help themselves?
One of my mottos now is to “don’t judge others until you walk in their shoes” and this simple line helps to remind me that everyone has a story and we often do not know their story so just accept that things are what they are and take responsibility for my own feelings and actions. No one can make me feel or do what I decide to do without my ‘permission’.
I blame myself too! And, I give lip service to not blaming others for my up-and-down abundance and money management challenges, but…I direct some blame toward my parents. Talking about money was taboo. The virtue? Hmmm. It feels pretty rotten. But maybe blaming them a little keeps me from beating myself up too much and getting consistently depressed about it? It’s weird because I know I am completely responsible for my life and how things show up. But gosh, how would things be if only they had taught me relevant stuff! 😉
I’m glad you mentioned that Chrysta, and I 100% agree with the virtues you identified. I was going to comment that the video didn’t make any reference to blaming yourself. That, when done habitually, is probably the most self destructive, progress killing blaming of all.
I live and let live but I’m an Empath – so I’m surviving 29 years plus others that were family who are Narcissists – I didn’t know that I was easy target until I started being dysfunctional – I own that I am. I’m pissed at the situation and I’m me I say “where there’s a will there is a way”. If I say my now dead husband was a PhD in Psychology and a high functioning alcoholic manifesting Narcissism – I will survive. I get to say he made a mess without being accused of blaming it’s just a fact – meantime I’ll get over my anger as soon as I finish fixing the mess I’m in. Ok.
I know blamers – people looking for excuses – I’m just in a shit storm I didn’t create and I’ll move on as quickly as possible and not complain.
Ah Blame! My pal! It is trying my soul these days! I agree with the person who posted ahead of me — Blame held consciously holds everyone accountable for their part of a situation. I also think when that resentment comes up, I can ask for help – delegate!!
Great Shadow to dance with!
Doing the shadow work is always fascinating stuff. Racheal, you point out many blame while thinking they’re not, and as Chrysta says blame is a way of holding others accountable.
So this makes me I wonder if those who feel themselves most responsible for everything also do the most blaming – simply because we’re obsessed with responsibility!! Because the one truth that blamers of self and others refuse to face is that we are not in control of everything!!
Having things under control and being responsible are probably the ‘light’ face of the shadow of blaming. There’s also a theme of fairness when it comes to blaming. The lifting of weight you speak of RJ quite possibly comes with letting go as we recognise we cannot control everything – and that the ultimate cosmic joke is those who ‘do the right thing’ aren’t always the ones who get the rewards. Being the ‘good girl’ is a tough one to unlearn, as it’s so embedded in our socialisation and education.
So blaming seems to be an attempt to restore a balanced responsibility or fairness. But ultimately it’s acknowledging that we can’t control everything!
Speaking from experience, it all springs from an over-wrought sense of responsibility! And whether self-blame or blaming others it’s the same story of feeling we need to be in control of everything.
There’s also a theme of fairness around blaming others – or even oursleves. Perhaps the ‘lightness’ of blame that you speak of Racheal Jane is a kind of ‘absolution’. It’s about restoring ‘fairness’.
Of course the cosmic joke is that doing everything right doesn’t always lead to the right rewards and this is a hard one to unlearn since it’s so much part of our socialisation and education.
Positive face of blaming: ultimately that lightening of our load that comes from blaming others is the letting go of what we think we should be able to control.
Blamers of self and others have to recognise that we’re not responsible for everything, or in control of everything, and at some point we just have to ‘hand stuff over’ to something that’s greater than us. Hmm. Bit of hubris attached to blame as well!
God,may you all find peace at the Second Coming.
When I stay in blame of myself or others, I am in victim thinking. It used to be a comfortable place because I had an excuse for my behavior and it served my ego. After a lot of spiritual work, I have come to know the importance of being accountable and that the victim thinking or blame no longer serves me nor does it feel good and when it crops up, I have tools and solutions to move forward. I have no control over others but I can be an example of responsibility and accountability. Letting go of blame doesn’t mean others (or myself) won’t disappoint me or live up to my expectations at times but how I handle that is a choice.
I am good at blaming others, particularly the authority figures in my life and those who are closest to me that haven’t “rescued” me as I wish to be rescued. My question is about my need to be rescued and supported by others through their complete agreement with me. My shadow has resisted me becoming my own authority and making decisions for myself that lead me to make my own way. This work begins with exploring my own motivations, resistance, and willingness to be true to myself while speaking truth in love. I will begin by befriending my shadow.
Blaming that/those outside of myself lessens my guilt and anxiety about my own shortcomings. However, I always feel guilty and energetically disturbed when I blame others because it makes me feel disconnected from my higher self. I am left feeling alone and separated from myself when I blame.
This has come twice now this week for me. Thank you Rachael Jayne for putting right in front of me, lol. I don’t feel like I do a lot of the little blaming here and there on a daily basis but I have noticed that there are a couple massive situations in my life where I am putting maybe to much blame on others and not taking as much ownership as I should. I feel there is definitely blame to put on others in these situations because their action & decisions have directly affected me & my life in ways which I have had not control over but I am realizing that blaming them for how much it has and is affecting my happiness, productivity and ability to do things is not good. I do need to take more responsibility for how long and how much I let what they do affect.
This is definitely a hard one and one that is not fun to look at because lets face it, it is so much easier to blame others because then we don’t have to do the inner work on ourselves but that gets us no where. Even thought it is uncomfortable and painful it is so important to develop this awareness and allow ourselves to have these realizations.
I think a virtue of “I am a blamer or I blame others” is that it gives me the space I need to exercise self care, forgiveness and not take on responsibility for other peoples actions and decisions. It also helps to have more awareness around those situations when I might try to step in and help others clean up a mess or change things. Instead I am able to step back and say you did this, now you need to figure things out and I am here to support you, hold space for you but I’m not going to fix it for you.
Thank you for putting this out here with what is such fortuitous timing for me.
Blaming sneaks up on me. In my inaction, I waste precious time blaming situations, lack of knowledge, lack of progress on who knows what? In this case, it does not serve me except it allows stagnation. It always helps to be wise about what part others or the set up plays in a situation. What feels good to me is the simple fact I can control my own thinking and my own feelings and take responsibility for me and my actions. It wastes my precious time to focus on others or something I can not change. Noticing how others play a part is just that…….they may play a part but it’s my choice what to do about that situation . This is excellent food for thought, RJ. Thanks.
When I feel into what is the virtue of blame / blaming others, I ask it as “how does blaming serve me?”
Then I see it as a usually a long term behavior (habit) that, once one begins to explore shadow, is like a training camp for deep inner transformation. I see it as a kind of self-talk that is projected outward. The “how it serves” aspect is that once we begin to realize what we are doing, pulling back the projection can be a first step toward shifting our mindset (and our life) or it can be a tidal wave of insight and awareness that completely revamps our reality.
Hello!
This in a huge topic for me. I definitely am a blamer, but learning to change that. I also get triggered by others who blame, and judge them, and I know that’s not ok. I guess the right way to look at it, is to acknowledge that blame is a result of suffering fo the blamer. It is an inability to deal with things or accept things. So if I can stay present in the moment, where I am beeing blamed, I would probably feel compassion for the blamer, because he is in suffering, and he cannot handle it. I can’t really see a good side of it, I don’t really think there is one, at least not on the long run. Accept maybe that blame is (like any other form suffering) a spiritual teacher, when you accept it. These are my thoughts on this.
Warm greetings!