I get this question a lot, especially from women.
What do I do if I am more evolved than my spouse/partner?
This is a difficult one to answer. Let me explain . . .
I’ve met women who are with partners who are lazy, who watch too much TV, or who have never done personal growth work. As the woman grows and the partner doesn’t, it can create discord between them.
On the other hand, I have also worked with women who say they are more evolved than their spouse and complain about him, but when Datta and I met their partner it wasn’t the case. It can be a blind spot for women to presume that their partner is less evolved, because they define “being evolved” in a particular way. It can also be a ready excuse for why they (the woman) aren’t doing their “work” as much as they could be.
On Awaken TV this week I want to give you three things to do if you feel the challenge of being more evolved than your partner is weighing on you. If you are single, this relates to you too. Do you judge a person too soon in the dating process?
Watch the video today.
Now I’d love to hear from you.
Which of these 3 practices are you committed to putting your attention to this week?
If you are partnered you probably have some questions about this one. Feel free to post any comments or questions below.
Much love,
P.S. Our only Art of Feminine Presence USA and Europe events in 2015 are just around the corner. Join me this year to experience what it is like to “be seen” in the way that you want, to connect with the relaxation of your feminine essence, and do some deep spiritual work and leadership training – all rolled into one amazing event.
Check out dates and places here: https://femininespiritualityandleadership.com/TT
RJ, Once again, you hit it out of the park!
What else can I say. You say it all!
I appreciate all you do…
Thank you, Laurel. I appreciate the kind words.
RJ,
I must be one of those men that felt their spouse was “less evolved” than I, at the time. I began studying Ram Dass several years ago and felt an immediate “shift”. The more I studied, the more I wanted to know more (to which my wife responded, “Once you’re over this Ram Dass “thing”). As I continued to study, she attempted to communicate with statements such as, “Now that I’m enlightened”, but she was definitely not interested. She told me more than once that she just wanted things to go back to how they were. I didn’t know how to deal with her anymore and ended up leaving her.
Having said that, I want to share with you something from Ram Dass:
Some of the beings around you every day are very ancient beings, and some are very new. But is it better or worse? It’s just different. Is it better to be twenty years old than fifty? It’s just different. So why do you judge someone because he’s not as conscious as you are? Do you judge a pre-pubescent because he or she is not sexually aware? You understand. You have compassion. Compassion simply stated is leaving other people alone. You don’t lay trips. You exist as a statement of your own level of evolution. You are available to any human being, to provide what they need, to the extent that they ask. But you begin to see that it is a fallacy to think that you can impose a trip on another person.
I laid my trip on my now ex-wife. Is it better now? It’s just different….
Reverend, it seems as though you’ve come a long way in your studies and have made peace with the fact things are different in your life. Our lives are a continued work in progress, and growth is necessary. Do you handle relationships differently after the experience with your ex-wife?
Loved this RJ! Thanks for the great introspection! I think I may have caught my self red-handed on this one!
You’re welcome, Kami. I’m glad to hear you could learn from the video.
This is a common complaint with spiritual seekers and your answer is spot on. Everyone in our life is a reflection of our consciousness . When they no longer are a match, they will leave or grow too. One of the biggest shifts in conciousness is looking beyond another persons outer expression to see their inner wholeness and perfection. It is amazing what happens.
Well said, Carol. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.
When I started to awaken, it upset my (ex) husband. He liked the changes it made within me, but didn’t like ‘how’ I was doing it. I was so happy and wanted to share. He said ‘I know what I know and I don’t need to know anything else!’. It became empty in the house and in my soul, so we decided to go our own ways. It was the right thing at the right time.
Sometimes the awakening process can be difficult for our loved ones, especially if they are having trouble seeing things from our perspective, as in your case. If you feel you made the right decision, Jane, then that is what matters the most.
Hi Rachael,
I love that you’re addressing this topic. I was guilty of this with my husband. He does watch tv at night and drink what I think is too many beers. But… we began getting relationship coaching and now I see so clearly how hard I am on myself and how hard I am on him. He tries so earnestly to know what I’m up to, to use the ‘evolved’ words and theories that I use. I’d love to blame it on being an only child – the blind spot that expects his evolution to be just like mine. I think it’s worth staying together when you both want to understand each other so badly. When/if that dries up, then it might be time to take a hike. For now, my husband and I are genuinely interested in the other, wanting to love with good intentions. That evolution is good enough for this visionary.
Good for you, Kate. Love is possibly our strongest emotion, and the willingness of both you and your husband to make it work is wonderful.
Rachael,
Thank you so much for bringing this topic up. Anyone whether female or male that thinks this way needs to focus on themselves and the serious spiritual/emotional work they still need to do as well as check their ego.
People are in people’s lives for a reason and each person has a path THEY need to take. We must respect each person for where they ARE in the moment and provide them the support, love, and compassionate example of how they can achieve progress in their growth. Critical comments and negative energy just enforces the person’s situation instead of bringing them out of it. You help them through unconditional love and support!
Women that think this way also need to learn more at what drives a man at his base levels and put more effort into understanding the situation and perspective the man is in. At a base level we just want to support and love you and feel “needed” by the woman. A lot of time empowered women don’t need us any longer or make efforts to act as such and that can make men feel pretty bad. This results in more “laziness”, etc because we aren’t included. Also since society basically still expects us to be the “main bread winner” we are in jobs we hate and it is hard to get our of the downward spiraling energy vortex. Women being harder on us or talking down to us just increases it.
The more people understand how the other sex acts at base primal levels and understands the energy pattern they are in, the easier it should be for them to be compassionate and support the person out of it.
Christiaan, you’re very right. Love, respect and compassion are what makes the world go ’round and we should be focusing on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative.
Thank you Rachael Jayne! In 5 minutes you have brought so much clarity to a subject where there is so much confusion. So ace, love you girlie xx
You’re welcome, Helen, and thank you for the kind words.
This hit home today. It’s a great reminder and appreciate all your positive, authentic energy.
I’m so glad you found my video encouraging, Christine.
I think it’s great to cover a controversial topic, especially this one, because it is so authentic. I admire this positive perspective. It is something I have realised in my relationship as well. Being evolved is actually giving space for everyone to be who they really are and opening up to/value other meanings as well. Thanks again for this enlightening episode and thanks for fueling my spiritual and feminine growth! N.
You’re welcome, Neelia. I’m happy to hear you’ve been able to evolve and realize these things about yourself.
This is a great topic! thanks for talking about it RJ,
I too have found myself saying this in the past, and although I have been doing a lot personal development work with myself in the last years, I still found that I could criticize him, and found it difficult to see the mirror effect because I was so angry. It wasn’t until I left him and some months went by that I was actually able to see the beauty, the mirror and the shadow in me. What I realized was that my relationship was not working and I was blaming him for everything, and saying he was not evolved was the mask behind all the things I was not owning in me.
Now I am single and finding my power again, and seeing all the places I concentrated so much on him, and not on me and on my path.
Thanks RJ
love
Maria
Maria, sometimes we have to disconnect in order to find the truth. It’s so nice to hear that you’re working on finding your own feminine power again.
Rachael.. .
You are a smart, thoughtful woman. I am a man who has always tried to understand women and humans in general. I find your insights and suggestions very enlightening and helpful. Please keep the videos coming. I now find myself looking forward to them.
I wish you success and happiness always..
John
Thank you, John, and I’m glad you are able to find such enlightenment from Awaken TV.
I guess this would also apply to family members ( since I’m single). I might be judging them harshly or expecting too much, but they overthink things and kind of enjoy the “drama” of life. I used to be incredibly shy, very much ungrounded and in my headspace. But I started doing your womb space practice and I’ve noticed incredible changes- feeling sensual, relaxed, and just a sense of FREEDOM I haven’t felt in years. It even brought tears to my eyes because I rarely feel like that.
But of course since I live with my family, it’s hard to keep that up. They have been riling me up over an issue involving another person and they felt “wronged”- and of course I felt the need to call out the other person & I did just that. I didn’t shout or call them names, but I very feisty and on the bitchy side. Later I find out that although that other person wasn’t completely innocent, my family got me riled up over a PETTY issue while they just at there and watched.
I feel drained, tired, embarrassed and stupid. .( Instead of apologizing to me are laughing about it and making me look like the silly person.
It’s taking a while for me to “cool off” but I know I will get there eventually. Back to staying in my power center.
Hi Christina –
Sometimes the ones we love the most can also cause the most hurt and pain, and it’s good that you recognize that about some of your family members. Finding your center and sitting with your emotions will help you learn to relax and better deal with stressful situations when they arise. I wish you luck.
BRILLIANT!!!! I say this to my clients all the time… LOVE IT!