How often do you let fear of being judged stop you?
It used to stop me often. That fear took a toll on me because I wanted to have more love, more creative expression, and more business success in my life; but I was scared to put myself ‘out there’ in many situations.
That has changed over the few years due to a few key practices. If you want to move forward faster in your life and not let the fear of people talking negatively of you stop you, this week’s episode is perfect for you.
I am even more proud of this new found ability to not let this fear stop me, because I get judged a lot! Check out how I respond to some nasty comments I received on YouTube and Facebook.
It’s actually funny, and I believe very empowering.
How do you react to negative comments and judgments that come your way? Be honest.
I don’t want this to stop you from moving forward with what your heart is calling you to do.
Share your comment, question, or practice that helps you below.
I would love to hear from you.
Much love,
A great post Rachael Jane. It helped me to see negative comments in a new perspective.
That was my hope! 🙂 Focus on the positive. 🙂
I see nasty comments for what they are: projections. I don’t even respond to them because they don’t deserve my time and energy. I do send the commenters love and blessings 🙂
Absolutely Susie! Thanks for sharing!
I remember listening to Brene Brown on Oprah. She was talking about how thrilled she had become with all the positive feedback she was receiving as she was becoming famous – until she read one comment that went something like, “Well lady, if you’d lose 20 pounds, maybe I’d consider listening to your advice.” Brene said she was devastated and it took nearly 2 weeks to get over it (to which Oprah responded, “Never pay attention to what people say!” and the audience laughed). Brene then decided that she wasn’t going to take anyone’s comment seriously who wasn’t willing to “get into the ring”of life – meaning, voices from the peanut gallery were no longer going to influence her. So, Rachael Jayne – it’s just a reminder that these people are cowards and would never put themselves out there on a regular basis the way you do. And you’re right, the best way to deal with it is to have a sense of humor about it and let it go.
Ahhh I love this! This is so true! If others aren’t seriously doing the work with you, then they aren’t worth your time, right? 🙂
Hi Rachael, thanks for the great reminder, that other people’s negative feedback is none of our business. Yes, people can be cray-cray. You have to wonder: Is it jealousy? Is it a toxic diet poisoning their brains and thought processes? In my thinking, they feel powerless and it’s their way of feeling that they have some sort of power or influence. I love watching you on video, Rachael, you’re the perfect blend of feminine and masculine. Airy fairy? Hardly. You’re real, genuine and radiantly beautiful, someone I can look up to. I remember one time when my kids were in high school and I went to speak at their school about vegetarianism. I gave a wonderful and engaging talk that the students loved. After the lunch break (right before I was about to do one more talk), the teacher informed me that over lunch, she and a couple other teachers decided that, even though my talk was interesting, I probably wasn’t a very good role model because (as she implied), I was anorexic. When she said, that to me, I think my jaw dropped to the floor. I mean, there I was, doing a say of talks for her students (that I wasn’t getting paid for) and I was putting lots of good energy into stressing the value of eating healthy, and she had the nerve to make that kind of comment to me. Of course, I was not anorexic. How I managed to give my final presentation (with a smile on my face) , is a testament to my strength and my ability to rise above her negativity. I did ended up writing a note to the principal of the school afterwards. And, I even wrote an article for a local newspaper which highlighted y concern. It’s especially painful when women criticize other women, because often jealousy seems to be at the root of it. And, if you can’t compliment another woman, and find something good about what she’s doing with her work and self-expression, it’s probably a sign that you’re not in your power.
That is such a powerful story Candia, thank you very much for sharing. It is a true testimony to your strength, keep on this path! 🙂
I LOVE the questions you ask when you receive negative feedback and/or just plain nasty comments, Rachael Jayne!
I check in with myself after receiving negative feedback with the following questions:
What part of this feedback, if any, is true?
What part of this feedback, if any, is my responsibility?
My favorite question to ask in almost every situation is:
How important is it? Will I care about this in a week, a month, a year?
Have a wonderful day!
Chrysta
Oh, great questions, Chrysta!
These are great questions Chrysta! Thank you for sharing 🙂 I think your last question is especially important!
Hi, Jayne…
This came at the perfect time. I’ve been wrestling with wanting to write a blog post about the way in which I recently dealt with a very negative situation. But it wasn’t coming together. Something was missing. Your video provided the missing element.
The point of my essay (the moral of the story?!) is about taking the risk of quitting something. How do you know when to quit, to let something go? I stayed too long in my work situation. I should have left long ago. But I didn’t. And while all things happen exactly when they should and we are always exactly where we should be in every moment in time, I have still been wondering how to assess a situation where someone is telling me there’s something wrong with me.
You have given a very effective tool with your 3 questions. So now I can write my post and give a “how-to” element so that people have a way to evaluate their own situation to see if perhaps they should consider simply walking away. Sometimes there just isn’t any way to “fix” a bad situation. Not only that, I don’t have to make a video…you’ve already done it and I can just link to your wonderful presentation!
This is really a wonderful, very helpful post! Thank you so, so much!
Glad I could help Cindra! You should comment back here with your link to your blog. I would love to read it 🙂
Great video Rachael!!! Thanks for having the bravery to share these negative comments, and how to deal with them, for our benefit. When I get negative comments I will reflect on them, and if I still don’t have clarity I will sometimes run the scenario by a trusted friend or colleague (without mentioning the names of those involved other than myself!) who I know will give me HONEST feedback about the situation. Also, I remind myself that if I’m doing my best and being honest with myself, that’s all I can do! Thanks Rachael!
That’s exactly it Eric, if you are being honest with yourself then that is the best you can do 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
Rachael Jayne, I appreciate those 3 questions regarding criticism.
On the other side of the coin, I find it just as challenging to not be influenced too much by positive feedback.
After all, this too is only a person’s opinion, and I endeavor not to let either stance influence my self esteem and sense of worthiness.
Stunning top by the way! 🙂
Thank you Beth! 🙂 This is very true as well, in the end I think Eric said it well up above, you just need to be honest with yourself and that is what matters the most 🙂
I think there is certainly something to be learned from it (Point 1) … Namely that what other people think of us is certainly not our business.
However I have found that if I receive a piece of feedback from several sources all saying similar things then there is probably something in it for me to look at and go away and do some soul searching ~ even if the language leaves much to be desired or my reaction is to want to say the other person is an asshole!
Why is it that we love to receive praise and approval but not so called negative feedback? They are ALL judgments and someone else’s projection aren’t they?
I enjoy what you said but at the same time my hallucination is that you brush the comments off somewhat too lightly by saying that there is nothing in there for you to consider because the people are mad or “Debbie Downers”… just MY particular observation!
Thank you for the insight Petra. I agree that some negative feedback that is presented constructively is vital for growth. However, comments that are negative that are aimed just to tear you down do not provide much value 🙂
Dear Rachael Jayne
First I have to say never in a million years I thought you would get negative comments. With that said, hmm How do I deal with negative comments? Well, it depends on who says it; if it is someone I don’t know, then I don’t care, but if they come from somebody I know, they do hurt.. and my mind just goes round and round just rambling and feeling sad…then after usually 2 days I get my power back and the negative comments don’t bother me anymore and I don’t think about them.
Thank you for posting this!
Juracy, Life Coach Mexico
Hi Juracy! Thank you for sharing, this does add another degree of complexity but is absolutely something to keep in mind as well. We have to work with ourselves to learn to hear honesty from ourselves and those we trust!
Love it!
Another question I ask myself is: Do they really not have anything better to do with their time and energy?
AMEN! 🙂 lol love it!
Thank you for the post, Rachel Jayne. I’m glad you don’t feel burdened by the negativity anymore. Shackles gone! There are two types of comments: the ones directly fired out and the ones done behind the back. At least the ones that are direct are out there – it’s the ones behind one’s back that may have started from a lie that are problematic. The targeted person has no idea what was said and cannot set the situation straight. And then, others believe the falsehood.
More and more now, I just stand very strong in who I am and know that I am a good person with a good heart. I cannot control the lack of expression from another person to relay any upset to me – that is their responsibility. Some choose to drop the upset, while others do vengeful things.
One of the most important things in this world is communication with each other around our emotional landscapes. Life is better when we honour each other on a deeper level. Thanks for the post which was so thought provoking.
Communication is KEY! 🙂 I think the way you have approached this speaks to your character! It is the other person’s responsibility to share their constructive feedback to you, personally! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for charing your thoughts, much appreciated. I found the written word at times very hard to interpret. The true flavour of the words are easily misinterpreted. The most difficult thing is to convey your thoughts in a few lines. I’m sure so many of our hard feelings are based on our inability to communicate well. And unfortunately sometimes the result is devastating. But not irrepairable. Love your videos.
Thank you Eva <3
I LOVE this Rach! LOL 😉
PS I try to not take anything people say about me personally – negative AND positive. Not easy always but getting way better at it and it feels really right and good! x
Glad to hear this Suus! You go girl 😉
If a response is required to a negative comment maybe once we have asked ourselves those three question might be ” well I guess in your mind you are right ” ! Like you said they all have their own filter that creates the opinion in the fist place . Great video, very helpful , thankyou 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it Jeanette, thank you! That is so very true!
You’re so beautiful!
Ahh thank you Barbra!
Enjoyed your video but my fear of negative comments is in causing other people distress. I know that is their problem but I still hesitate and care for their concern to the detriment of my progress.
Ruth, this brings up an interesting point! Remember to keep in mind, if it is genuine feedback and constructive feedback that is causing other people distress that is different than hurtful, negative comments. 🙂
Thanks, Rachael Jayne! Well said. Any time we put ourselves out there in the world publicly, we will receive peoples’ projections and judgements. As a storyteller who has written and performed a one-woman show,
“A Lesbian Belle Tells” in Washington DC, I used to worry about that happening. I processed it in many energy healing sessions, and released my memories and pain about receiving judgment and rejection from my family of origin, and added those stories about how I healed from family estrangement to my show. I got very positive feedback from the public, except for a theatre review that criticized me for using my hands too much on stage! I am Southern, and that’s what I do! My show won best solo show in the DC Capital Fringe in 2014! Recently, I shared something that hurt me to a friend about her behavior. This is a rather new friend., but someone I liked and invited her to go to your seminar in Phoenix back in the fall.She was very defensive and has fired missiles in emails and cards. No apologies. Obviously she is a troubled and wounded woman. I have not responded, but I will soon to tell her not to contact me again. Sometimes we have to set boundaries. And I am forgiving myself for not paying attention to the red flags that went up in Phoenix.
Thank you for sharing your story Elizabeth 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed the show in Phoenix!
I love this, Rachael Jayne!
Thanks for addressing this elephant who lives in most of our heads.
Dear Rachel Jayne,
My friend introduced me to your website, and I am delighted to learn more about your work. I am a trans-feminine woman, and just the thought of being criticized has kept me hidden for years.
I am learning to speak with a feminine voice, and this is adding to my confidence. The key here is to practice twice daily—every day.
As you have indicated in another talk, we all need to walk the walk, and expressing what is feminine will soon require me to go out into the world presenting as female, and interacting with others in the community (albeit with my speech therapist by my side).
For that, I think my best strategy may be to become grounded and present in each moment, and to have faith in those I meet. I have been very interested to read what other women have had to say about responding internally to the negative when it occurs (above). I so enjoy reading their comments.
I look forward to learning more about The Art of Feminine Presence, for my friend Monica has nothing but good to say about her experiences at these workshops. You are both creative and kind to share your wisdom with all of us!
Thank you especially for addressing the universal experience of responding positively to negative and evaluative comments.
Sincerely, Morgan
Welcome Morgan! 🙂 I think you will find that I really truly believe being grounded when I interact with people is the best way to go! 🙂
Yes I agree with you Rachel Jayne, what other people think of you is none of our business. But what you think of other people is your business, release the charge of that.
Absolutely Ann! 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
I love your energy, your message, your videos and I’ve been at an event and I could stand you forever 🙂
Lots of love!
Thank you Neelia! 🙂 Keep in touch!
May I quote this video in AIN’T YA GOT NO MANNERS, a book about Internet manners to be published by A Vegas Publisher? How to respond to negativity and how not to be negative.
Thank you for sharing 🙂
Absolutely love that you did this video. I will watch it when i feel myself influenced by my own self judgement in relation to how i think people perceive me. Your simplicity and playful way of relating this information in such a natural, upbeat manner is so grounding and inspiring. Its wonderful to hear someone inspirational like you, make a video on this topic. Thankyou so much for the wonderful videos you make and offer to us for free.
Thank you Oriane, I appreciate this 🙂
I love this topic, Rachel. I see negative comments also as a projection of others. Maybe they had to deal with similar issues at some stage, were judged about it and now they are just passing it on to others. However, I also like the idea to look at it and to see if we can learn something out of it. I find it sometimes a bit difficult to disconnect myself from a very negative comment and to not have it in my head all the time. Do you maybe have any advice how to move on quicker if something just does not want to leave your thoughts? Thanks so much. And I LOVE what you do :).
I would forgive yourself for being “triggered” by this. Have compassion for yourself and your reaction. That will make it quicker to forgive them.
Hi Rachael Jayne and others,
I have read all your interesting comments and I want to add one experience of mine which sheds again another light on this multi-faceted subject:
I once had a renter and roommate who started saying to me that I was ‘mean’. This was clearly a projection! But it upset me very much. Why? It turned out to be a ‘shadow’ of mine: I totally didn’t allow myself to be ‘mean’ in any way. Until through this experience and your lessons about shadow work (thank you Rachael Jayne!) I realized this and decided to use some of my ability to be ‘mean’ to force this negative roommate to move out of my house!
So negative comments can sometimes be a useful pointer to a ‘shadow’ too, besides all the things already said above.
Thank you so much, Rachael Jayne for sharing all these interesting video’s for free! And for all your work.
Thank you for sharing Navah! You are right on track, those things that bother us most tend to be shadows that we need to visit on a different level…
RJ, I always learn from your videos, but this one is extraordinary.
Love your reframe. When I get negative feedback, I go into my heart
and love the one that feels wounded. That helps me to regain my
perspective and remember that defining Laurel is Laurel’s job only!
Keep up the great work!
Ahh Laurel – I love that you said “Defining Laurel is Laurel’s job only!” So so very true 🙂