I get uneasy when I feel competitive.
I sometimes feel shame when it surfaces.
I know many of us on the “spiritual path” can sometimes find it challenging whenever our competitive spirit rears its head. In fact, most of us find it easy to push this part of ourselves into the ‘shadows’ of our unconscious in an attempt to be spiritual.
It’s critical you integrate your competitive side, especially if you want great friendships and a successful career.
If you have ever heard yourself say something along the lines of “it’s better to be collaborative than competitive,” or you have close friends or family members that try to compete with you, you definitely need to watch this Awaken TV episode.
I’d love to hear about your journey with this shadow. Here is a worksheet to if you would like to use it to help you process this shadow.
Shadow of the Month Worksheet – Competitive
Please leave a comment below as to what you think the virtue is in being competitive, and why is it a difficult shadow to integrate for you personally.
Much love,
P.S. We are in Japan this week leading a fully-translated version of our Art of Feminine Presence™ Teacher Training. What fun! Our next stop is Melbourne, Australia, and then back to Denver, Colorado. If you are interested in earning extra income and empowering women, working alongside me as a teacher of this powerful work could be your next perfect step. Email Luanne@GrooverSeminars.com if you are in Australasia or Sally@GrooverSeminars.com if you are in North America. They will take you through a free strategy session to work out your plan for making an extra $1 – $5K per month as a teacher.
I love this one. I am competitive. Especially in physical ways, cycling is my thing, in bike racing many bike racers ride in group called a peloton; they all work together drafting off each other, pushing each other to their edge. At the end of the stage or race, one of them has to be the first to cross the line!!! They all celebrate because they all worked together to make that happen and the one on top is the one on top. IE Tour de France.
Another example I love is in the sport of volleyball, my daughters have shown me this. In this sport, two teams increase their skill, master their techniques, and respond to the moment of play, keeping the ball up in the air at all costs. The most satisfying is to see this happen through many rallies; precision, anticipation, workmanship, communication, edge, digging deep, and pushing the limits. Then the FINAL PLAY….. Where, the ball drops……. Yes, it has to land on one side or the other, and it is a total celebration when the point goes to the winning team. BUT the game will never be played if the other team is not there. So the biggest acknowledgement is of BOTH teams – showing up to play the game and challenge their skill level. There’s nothing like coming away from a game where both teams played really well.
What is the winning spirit? Is the question I’m always left with?
Exactly Lynne! You have hit it right on the head! 🙂 Keep thinking over what the winning spirit means for you, it is different for everyone.
Yes, I agree competitive is an important quality that can be in the shadow for many women. For me, I had a mother who was fairly narcissistic and jealous of my father’s close relationship with me. I think that she tried her best to be a good mother, but she was very wounded and wounding to me in this area. She was conflicted – proud of my achievements on the one hand, but jealous of them on the other hand. As a result, although I have achieved a lot in my life, I’ve always felt that it’s a bit dangerous to put my achievements out there – I was exposing myself to danger, to being shot down by doing so.
I practiced as an attorney for many years – a competitive field if there ever was one! I think it was very good for my personal growth and power to put myself out there like that, but I was never truly comfortable with it. I did a lot of trials in my early career and I worked like crazy to prepare – probably harder than most of my male colleagues. When I won a case, it was truly an emotional high – I felt so competent and powerful. But mostly I didn’t like the constant stress of trial work so I gravitated toward family law mediation. And even there I strove to be among the best of the best mediators.
It’s interesting to think about my legal career in terms of the competitive shadow. It seems likely that I was attracted to law in part because it was an area in which it is socially acceptable to be competitive. I had to damp down myself and my achievements in my family in order to feel safe, the law gave me an arena to express them.
Thank you for sharing Judith. Keep addressing this shadow, be proud of your accomplishments!
When i was at primary school I used to always say that I was not competitive…I really thought that made me a better person. Now as I find it challenging to grow in the ways that are important to e, I can see how limiting this belief is. I grew up in Australia and as Rachel would know ‘tall poppies’ are not encouraged! Many women i find are competitive but in a jealous, destructive way.
I now have a girlfriends that are all really competitive with each other in the most constructive way possible. i am learning to roll with their style which is full of honesty, support and integrity. I am learning what healthy competition looks and feels like. I really like it and need it to feed my life!
Thank you very much for this insight Elly! Keep up the good work! Being competitive is completely healthy if done correctly 🙂