How would you feel if someone looked at you and said “You are very needy person!”?
Today we delve into the Shadow of the month – Needy. If Needy is a “shadow” of yours, I bet you see challenges in your life like these:
* Not feeling as though people support you and generously want to give to you
* Feeling like you have to do it all by yourself
* Feeling stuck or scared to reach out to prospects and asking them if they want to work with you.
* Being without an intimate relationship – and wanting one.
In my best-selling book Powerful and Feminine, I describe how so many women in their plight to be strong, independent selves have shut down their ability to attract healthy attention from masculine partners, and attract overall support in nurturing relationships. I sure had that challenge.
If you want to change some deep-seated dynamics that you don’t like, grab a pen, and follow along with this week’s episode of Awaken TV.
Here are the questions for you to work with this week. I would love you to share some of your answers below to help us all gain more awareness.
1) How have you been needy? For me, I need others to grow my food, I need others to buy from me to stay in business, I need others to give me hugs and feel like I am not alone.
2) What is the virtue (the positive side) of being needy?
3) If you are a single woman, write 10 reasons why you need a man (or intimate partner) in your life?
If you haven’t read Powerful and Feminine yet, I highly recommend it, and consider coming to an Art of Feminine Presence event this year.
Best wishes with this week’s practice. Post any comments or questions below. I love this topic.
Much love,
Hiya Rachel
Your video clip got me thinking .
I don’t think I’m needy on a personal level . The things you quoted about needing food , needing buyers for your product , surely they’re just a part of human needs in our western society ?
I would like a man – I don’t need one tho’.
Ya think I would still benefit from the book ?
Love Vali
Absolutely, you would benefit Vali. Check out the reviews on Amazon to give yourself a sense of it too. If needy is a “Shadow” it doesn’t mean that you are needy. It means that you “don’t want to be needy” and whenever there is a “part” of ourselves that we don’t want to be, it affects our relationships negatively. Thanks for watching and sharing.
Hi Rachel Jayne
How did you know that needy was my shadow of the month? These days thanks to the Art of Feminine Presence practices I am comfortable in being vulnerable and in asking for help, but I’ve noticed that when I see neediness in others I’m fine if it comes from a place of acceptance or strength, but struggle when it comes from a place of victim. The joys of shadow work, there is always another level!
I was reading your mind 🙂
I can relate to what you are saying here.
In my experience the “ugly” part of needy is when I don’t acknowledge the part of me that feels needy and it becomes like energetic tentacles, trying to get something from someone to fill that neediness. But, when I am aware I am in need and I can request it instead of try and steal it energetically, my request is granted. Then I get to practice receiving and being grateful for the gift I’ve received. I feel good and so does the other person who got to fill my request. My brilliant and generous husband taught me this!
Here’s to brilliant and generous husbands. 🙂 Thanks for sharing Georgina.
Achh, this resonates too much, so it’s definitely highlighting an area for me to give some attention! In my early 20’s during my social work training, my mentor told me I was too needy (and I understand where that neediness came from) and she made it clear it was not a good or attractive thing. I think from there on I made the mental decision to never be needy again. As a result, here I am 20 years later ticking all of your boxes for having a ‘needy shadow’.
I have got tons better about receiving help, compliments etc if they are offered, but still really struggle with actually asking for help myself, especially money/business. It also irks me when I see someone being needy and I know I judge it in others. Not when people are empowered in asking for their needs to be met though, as Pam said. I guess I have some work to do!
Rachael Jayne, are you going to be running a Level 1 Teacher Training in Europe next year? I would love to be able to develop my own feminine presence and then go on to help others to do the same.
Thanks for sharing, Pam. It’s good to recognize the needy part of yourself so you can better work on it. We’re still finalizing our schedule for next year, but you can check this link for more information through the year: http://femininespiritualityandleadership.com/afp_update/
Thank you Rachael Jayne,
When I think of “needy,” I think of people (frequently women) who are so needy that they become a burden. All people should be self-sufficient and be able to stand on their own most of the time. Men have a need to help, teach and protect others, particularly women and children, but there is being too needy.
You addressed one side: strong women who would benefit by recognizing their needs. Can you also address the other side: needy women (people) who would benefit by being stronger?
Absolutely Hugh! The interesting thing is that many women are “needy” in a not-so-healthy” way and very rarely could they admit that they are needy, hence they need to do their SHadow work on the part of them that is needy also. It’s about having access to both being “self-sufficient and strong” and “Vulnerable and open to others support” and choosing which one you are in consciously, not unconsciously. Confident women are a huge pleasure for men, as you know Hugh. It’s not about not being strong, and confident and amazing. It’s about having access to every part of humanity within you.
It sounds to me that there are degrees of ‘neediness’; not all neediness is healthy, but some is super healthy ! I’ve learned that as the Divine beings of Light that we all are, we do not depend/need anything or anybody to Be who we are, and feel joy, peace, love, etc. However, we do live in this human experience on earth, and at this level we all have needs and need each other; which leads to our various life purposes of serving each other, in a beautiful loving way. If no one needed anything, we would not have anything to offer to anyone 🙁
That’s a great perspective. Thanks for sharing!
Hmm 10 reasons why I need a man/intimate partner in my life.
That is a challenge.
Truthfully, I’m not sure all of these are needs. Though I know I am happier and more fulfilled, more on purpose and hormonally healthier if they things are happening in my life.
This is what I’ve come up with.
RJ I’d love to hear some feedback if it would help clear up some of my thinking?
Here they are in no particular order..
1. To be turned on by the polarity created between us which gives me a feeling of wellbeing and connection to the divine
2. To be given to in a way that I feel cherished and valued
3. For practical help – strength and energy and willingness to get things done
4. To co create a deeply intimate mutual loving transformational spiritual sexual union
5. To be with someone who has my back when I need to take time out to nurture and regroup
6. For intimate pleasure of the senses- sexual and non sexual
7. To live in the practice of opening to being vulnerable and building trust
8. To play with someone with complimentary energy for the sake of having fun
9. To experience, enjoy and learn from their way/ perspective
10. ???
Kylie
These are exactly what I was thinking. You are absolutely on the right track Kylie. Thanks for sharing and inspiring the rest of us with this.
These are exactly what I was thinking. You are absolutely on the right track Kylie. Thanks for sharing and inspiring the rest of us with this.
Thank you RJ for this video! So important topic! Going around as a needy woman is not very attractive to any man and I think too much neediness also repels men… You have to embrace your own neediness first and then ask for help from others.
It’s like where are you coming from, the place of neediness or the place of your power center where you are able to own the need and ask for what you want.
I admit that I feel it’s difficult to show my vulnerability to men because I’ve been rejected in the past… I feel more safe in being strong and independent and not needing men…