It was crippling.
I used to compare myself to other women constantly — and I mean constantly.
I would get to know a beautiful woman, and couldn’t get my attention off her. I’m embarrassed to say this, but I would become so fixated on her face and her body that I’d become depressed because I could never measure up.
I would do the same with outgoing women who seemed to easily connect with others, and in my mind the shy, introverted self inside of me could never be that.
This became even more pronounced when I joined a weekly practice about 10 years ago called Tantric Dance of the Sacred Feminine. Much of that practice is about ‘witnessing’ other women in their beauty and power and appreciating them for that. I would try to appreciate other women but it was hard to give a true appreciation, because I was so fixated on myself and my envy.
Looking back, I wasted so much time and so much of my life force comparing myself to others and trying to figure out if I was ever going to Be Enough.
Something massive has since shifted, but it didn’t happen overnight. I wanted to give you a short version of the ‘witnessing practice’ that changed everything to see what happens to you when you do this. It will take about 90 seconds.
I had to train myself to focus on ‘her’ and not me. I had to focus on the questions: “What do I appreciate about this woman?” “Why do I see her as so wonderful?”
Healing the ‘Shadow’ of comparing myself and feeling in competition with other women was a huge reason why my work called Art of Feminine Presence® asks women to witness other women in their gorgeous, vulnerable feminine power and work with what arises for them.
Here’s the 90 second practice. Watch the video I created with world-class photographer Don Hajicek, and as you see every woman in this montage, I want you to focus on how stunning she is and how unique she is, without any focus on yourself.
Even if you have seen this before, please watch it again with these questions in mind.
I’d love for you to tell me what you feel and notice below the video.
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Tears and shivers. Thank you and Don for that!
hugs 🙂
absolutely fantastic – big thanks for that 🙂
emotions 🙂
Absolutely Beautiful ! Truly touched my heart to see how unique & yet powerful we are – women indeed changing the world by showing up !! Thank you for sharing 🎉🌟
These women are beautiful but I believe there there is more to making a difference in our world than just ‘showing up’…for both men and women. The social construct of simply ‘showing up’ and actually being praised for just showing up is not helping anyone. If anything – ‘Showing up’ should just be standard.
From my experience what we do, our actions and how we live from our values this is what makes a difference. This is what will truly bring more Light… more awareness into this world.
With respect to you Debbie,
Brenda.
Exactly Debbie! 🙂
Thank you RJ and Don,
What a great exercise.
It made me realize while I don’t have a bad case of comparing myself to others that I do it occassionally which is way too much!
Excited to practice it
We are so glad you found it Tina! 🙂 Keep us updated on how the practice goes!
A small tear to the eye, a calm smile to the lips. I feel better prepared for a big day ahead. thank u.
Thank you RJ and Don!
What a great exercise!
Bless you for all the amazing work you do!
Well done and terrific concept. I noticed there were some members of the “tribe” absent. No women of color and very few women over 50, who really need not to compare! Thank you for the great work.
I also noticed that none of the tribe looked like me. From a cultural viewpoint this made it hard to relate to the women being shown as diamonds. Nice concept though as I did listen to the words.
Comparing myself … Big part of my shadow work !!! In fact, it spoke openly to me 2 days ago during a meditation in one of Ashara’s weekly AFP sessions, which I joined recently… While I was being witnessed, I heard a voice inside clearly suggesting I could not experience home as the other wonderful women in the circle. Fortunately, another part of me readily and confidently responded then, oh really!? watch! In later reflection I understood we are all different expressions of the femínine, comparison doesn’t even make sense ! And appreciation of self and others is enriching to all ! This video draws healing tears from me; I shared it on Women’s day with my 3 daughters and so many friends! Thank you Rachael!
Thank you for sharing Pilar! 🙂 Hugs to you!
The photos are all wonderful, heart-warming shots and I thought they were encouraging me to sit up straight with pride, with my shoulders back. What has stayed in my body is a sense of the movement of the photos, the music and the strength in Rachael Jane’s voice. Each face was simply a beautiful facet of a magnifiscent jewel.
Powerful and reaffirming. I saw qualities in the women which I also know I have , but forget sometimes as we all do from time to time…. an attractiveness, smiling eyes, vibrancy, a glow , inner confidence , intriguing ,alluring etc etc ! I didn’t notice the lack of age and ethnic diversity until another comment was made – I think that was because I was drawn straight to the qualities rather than thinking about the person. Beautifully shot and presented. Thank you.
I weep. So moved. So touched. So much beauty and brilliance and uniqueness in all of these women and a feeling of yes, I am this too. We all are, for real. And we all “need” to let all of us shine our unique light because all of us are a important pieces of the puzzle. Thank you for a wonderful, inspiring video!
For me this video clearly shows how amazingly beautiful we all are. And what a great feeling to be part of it as well, in this wonderful bouquet of flowers. That is how I see us women, like flowers. And Don has the talent, skills and love to reveal that real, authentic beauty.
And being way over 50 I feel so much at home in this tribe. I believe that ones we own our eldership, age does not really matter any more. We are all faces of the same Goddess. Seeing how she reveals herself through other women makes me feel whole. AFP has helped me to own my age and my uniqueness and Don has helped me to see how beautiful I am when seen through the lens of love. <3 Thank you dear ones.
Thanks, Rachael Jane! And your team, including the photographer. What an inspiring video (with some very familiar women in it :). I’m going to share this with my daughters <3 <3 whom I wish to have that sister tribe feeling and above all to feel their inner beauty and shine!
Dear Rachael Jayne,
So moving to see these yummy beauties and hear the soft strength in your voice. This is why I learnt the art of feinine presence with you. I can feel the current moving in my cells……..So as well as sharing the love with other women, I’m going to keep it on my desktop for those moments when i have forgotten who I really am and why I am here on Mother Earth.
with love, Diana
I too missed any real diversity in these images — was stunned as the video went on and there were almost no faces of color.
Beautiful and inspiring. I love the name title “Tribe of Diamonds.”