After reading dozens of relationship books, attending plenty of personal growth seminars, and giving presentations with my hubby on relationships, I must announce. . .
. . . There are still mistakes I make in my marriage.
That’s what I’m confessing to in this week’s Awaken TV episode.
Whether you are single or partnered, I hope you can learn from my 3 most common fumbles. After all, what is more important than having people around you that you love and that love you in return?
I also share the process I’m in now that helps me make fewer of these mistakes and enjoy the wonderful relationship I’ve been blessed with.
Practice makes improvement.
Much love,
Rachael Jayne
Good insights, Rachael, and I experience some similar feelings and issues with my mate of 30 years. I’m always working towards being more conscious and reminding myself that male and female energies will always express themselves in different but (ideally) complimentary ways. Needing our partner to do/think/express in the way that we do, is often a heartfelt desire to experience greater closeness, union, and impact, —but sometimes, I’ve learned, that need is driven by our ego. Allowing our partner to be themselves and not getting down about shortcomings that we perceive in them, seems to be the key to cultivating harmony and happiness. 🙂
You said just the right words, Candia, “shortcomings that we perceive in them.” You are so right that when the ego starts driving the bus, it’s easy to believe the things that it’s telling us, even if they aren’t true.
Thank you for the tips. Needed to hear it. Do you have
any free workshops coming up for couples in marriage.
My husband and I have been married 16 years.
I complain sometimes. I am the emotional one. At my church right now we are going through the Enneagram test and personality types.
Hi Christie, we do have a section of the Art of Feminine Presence Weekend Intensive that we call, “The Man Talk,” where my gorgeous hubby takes the stage and answers questions from the ladies in the audience. You’ll have to join us for a weekend intensive…
Hi Rahael Jayne,
Thanks once again for your willingness to share vulnerably and for you clarity.
Here are my biggest relationship mistakes at the moment (just the top 3 — ha ha):
1) As a life coach, I can have a tendency to try and coach my man
2) Similarly, I often come at him with too much masculine energy (verbal, fast, fixing) instead of diving into my yummy vulnerable feminine and sharing THAT
3) I can overshare and be too wordy which doesn’t allow me to really get into his world.
I’m working on and playing with all of these.
Keep playing, Vicki, you have a very good start here so see if you can also let it be fun! Try swirling in a little more of your juicy feminine in small ways throughout your interactions during the week and see how that feels. And be patient with yourself as you explore new ways of relating. Let us know how it goes!
Such a timely video (no accidents, right), I can’t stop chuckling.
This week I have experienced the same – #2 and #3 – and have been feeling badly about it (judging the other person). I love the language you used in your #2. I will try to remember that vs. stepping in immediately with my critique.
Your #3 is a biggie for me so thank you for sharing that. In a new relationship after a 20 year marriage so I look through a different perhaps more critical lens and turning that toward myself and how I do that to myself has been interesting to review.
My #3 has more to do with trying to do things differently and when something feels like my marriage/ex behavior, I begin to question the relationship instead of looking at all the wonderful things I wished for and have in this relationship.
I hope you do a series on shadow work at some point 🙂
xoxo Susie
Hi Susie, this is such a big area for shadow work, isn’t it? How is it that the people we love the most are the ones who can push our biggest buttons. As you work with these things, remember to first take a breath. Before you critique, before you judge, before you jump to comparisons with old relationships, pause. Breathe. Find your power center and ask yourself who you want to be in that moment.
My biggy right now is not letting when he is feeling unhappy to make me feel unhappy. I will often feel guilty for being in a good place if he is not. Doesn’t serve either of us well.
Yes, Lee, you can hold patient space for your partner’s feelings but also still be steady in your own.
Great reminder especially around expectations for our partner to have the same skills in certain situations & not judge them as wrong for who they are, very relevant for me this morning after a social evening of inappropriate comments & court jester behaviour from my hubbie!
Hi Suzanne, judgment can so easily cloud our reactions before we even realize that it’s happening! Remember to take the time to center yourself in your womb space when you find this happening. Hugs.
Thanks for this wonderful vulnerable share. Very powerful and healing to know you still make mistakes!
I do these 3 things! Some great tips here, thanks for shining the light – that it takes good habits to make a strong, healthy relationship.
Beautiful Kate, thank you for being so open. We all have to work pretty hard to keep the polarity strong and the communication clear!
This resonated with me–I’ve been asking myself, ‘How do I keep staying positive, keep moving forward, keep transforming and growing, while my husband seems to be staying where he is, or worse, as I perceive, where he was years ago still?’ Is it even possible to stay focused on my goals, when they are not his and his expectations of me differ from those that keep me on track to my goals? And worse, I am finding I don’t want him to benefit from the rewards of my achieving my goals, if ‘I feel like’ he has not pulled his share in the changes and improvements that these goals will bring? Sometimes I even feel like he is jealous of my strength and motivation and that is what holds me back. What am I doing to help myself? Breathing-YES! I also talk to myself and tell myself to give grace and not ask of him what he seems to not want to give, and yet, encourage him in areas I think he wants to be better at. Plus, I try to schedule time to myself apart from all other demands, so I can clear my mind and focus on what is important to me and our future.
You ask some very important questions here, Emily, and you already have some strong practices you mention here that support you. If you are committed to the relationship in doing whatever you can to make it work, that takes a lot more than I can simply write here in response to your comment – as it’s a very complex scenario. But one thing I would offer now is that it’s not only about doing what you want no matter what your partner does or doesn’t do, but finding ways to better speak of your love for them and your desire to grow as a couple. It’s hard when someone else is not doing “the work” and it’s not your responsibility to make them do the work, but pray, meditate and ponder on what I can still do to lean into my partner and share my heart and desires for the relationship, when it’s easier to pull away and just say “he/she’s never going to change.”
Datta and I very much believe in relationship counseling also and getting a third party to be with us as we navigate challenges in our own relationship. If you haven’t done that I would recommend that also.
I so enjoyed this reminder of these simple aspects of nurturing a loving satisfying relationship. While I am not in an intimate relationship now this guidance is still pertinent. I do all three in my significant friend and family relationships! I can see and feel my good intentions but see that they are not actually helpful. I once heard someone put it this way: Teach by way of example. I my self prefer invitation and inspiration over expectation and critique. And of course, there is still a place for direct communication about things but will go much better when there’s a foundation of what you shared. I find it’s good to practice in all my relationships.
Hi Jamie, I couldn’t have said it better.
Wow, I have been toning done my joy for a long time, in relationship to my husband.
Now that you know that you have got YOU’RE OWN back, you can let that joy bubble up and express itself, Lulu.